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Little Red Riding Hood And The Wolf

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texte

Little Red Riding Hood And The Wolf

By Roald Dahl


As soon as Wolf began to feel

That he would like a decent meal,

He went and knocked on Grandma's door.

When Grandma opened it, she saw

The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin,

And Wolfie said, 'May I come in?'

Poor Grandmamma was terrified,

'He's going to eat me up!' she cried.

And she was absolutely right.

He ate her up in one big bite.

But Grandmamma was small and tough,

And Wolfie wailed, 'That's not enough!

I haven't yet begun to feel

That I have had a decent meal!'

He ran around the kitchen yelping,

'I've got to have a second helping!'


Then added with a frightful leer,

'I'm therefore going to wait right here

Till Little Miss Red Riding Hood

Comes home from walking in the wood.'


He quickly put on Grandma's clothes,

(Of course he hadn't eaten those).

He dressed himself in coat and hat.

He put on shoes, and after that,

He even brushed and curled his hair,

Then sat himself in Grandma's chair.

In came the little girl in red.

She stopped. She stared. And then she said,


'What great big ears you have, Grandma.'

'All the better to hear you with,'

the Wolf replied.

'What great big eyes you have, Grandma.'

said Little Red Riding Hood.

'All the better to see you with,'

the Wolf replied.


He sat there watching her and smiled.

He thought, I'm going to eat this child.

Compared with her old Grandmamma,

She's going to taste like caviar.


Then Little Red Riding Hood said, '

But Grandma, what a lovely great big

furry coat you have on.'


'That's wrong!' cried Wolf.

'Have you forgot

To tell me what BIG TEETH I've got?

Ah well, no matter what you say,

I'm going to eat you anyway.'

The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.

She whips a pistol from her knickers.

She aims it at the creature's head,

And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead.

A few weeks later, in the wood,

I came across Miss Riding Hood.

But what a change! No cloak of red,

No silly hood upon her head.

She said, 'Hello, and do please note

My lovely furry wolfskin coat.'



Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/little-red-riding-hood-and-the-wolf-by-roald-dahl

The pig

texte

The Pig

By Roald Dahl


In England once there lived a big

And wonderfully clever pig.

To everybody it was plain

That Piggy had a massive brain.

He worked out sums inside his head,

There was no book he hadn’t read.

He knew what made an airplane fly,

He knew how engines worked and why.

He knew all this, but in the end

One question drove him round the bend:

He simply couldn’t puzzle out

What LIFE was really all about.

What was the reason for his birth?

Why was he placed upon this earth?

His giant brain went round and round.

Alas, no answer could be found,

Till suddenly one wondrous night

All in a flash he saw the light.

He jumped up like a ballet dancer

And yelled, ‘By gum, I’ve got the answer!

They want my bacon, slice by slice,

To sell at a tremendous price!

They want my tender juicy chops

To put in all the butchers’ shops!

They want my pork to make a roast

And that’s the part’ll cost the most!

They want my sausages in strings! They even want my chitterlings!

The butcher’s shop! The carving knife!

That is the reason for my life!’

Such thoughts as these are not designed

To give a pig great peace of mind.

Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland,

A pail of pigswill in his hand,

And Piggy, with a mighty roar,

Bashes the farmer to the floor…

Now comes the rather grizzly bit

So let’s not make too much of it,

Except that you must understand

That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland.

He ate him up from head to toe,

Chewing the pieces nice and slow.

It took an hour to reach the feet,

Because there was so much to eat,

And when he finished, Pig, of course,

Felt absolutely no remorse.

Slowly he scratched his brainy head

And, with a little smile, he said,

‘I had a fairly powerful hunch

That he might have me for his lunch.

And so, because I feared the worst,

I thought I’d better eat him first.’

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Cinderella

texte

Cinderella

By Roald Dahl

I guess you think you know this story.

You don't. The real one's much more gory.

The phoney one, the one you know,

Was cooked up years and years ago,

And made to sound all soft and sappy

just to keep the children happy.

Mind you, they got the first bit right,

The bit where, in the dead of night,

The Ugly Sisters, jewels and all,

Departed for the Palace Ball,

While darling little Cinderella

Was locked up in a slimy cellar,

Where rats who wanted things to eat,

Began to nibble at her feet.


She bellowed 'Help!' and 'Let me out!

The Magic Fairy heard her shout.

Appearing in a blaze of light,

She said: 'My dear, are you all right?'

'All right?' cried Cindy .'Can't you see

'I feel as rotten as can be!'

She beat her fist against the wall,

And shouted, 'Get me to the Ball!

'There is a Disco at the Palace!

'The rest have gone and I am jealous!

'I want a dress! I want a coach!

'And earrings and a diamond brooch!

'And silver slippers, two of those!

'And lovely nylon panty hose!

'Done up like that I'll guarantee

'The handsome Prince will fall for me!'

The Fairy said, 'Hang on a tick.'

She gave her wand a mighty flick

And quickly, in no time at all,

Cindy was at the Palace Ball!


It made the Ugly Sisters wince

To see her dancing with the Prince.

She held him very tight and pressed

herself against his manly chest.

The Prince himself was turned to pulp,

All he could do was gasp and gulp.

Then midnight struck. She shouted, 'Heck!

I've got to run to save my neck!'

The Prince cried, 'No! Alas! Alack!'

He grabbed her dress to hold her back.

As Cindy shouted, 'Let me go!'

The dress was ripped from head to toe.


She ran out in her underwear,

And lost one slipper on the stair.

The Prince was on it like a dart,

He pressed it to his pounding heart,

'The girl this slipper fits,' he cried,

'Tomorrow morn shall be my bride!

I'll visit every house in town

'Until I've tracked the maiden down!'

Then rather carelessly, I fear,

He placed it on a crate of beer.


At once, one of the Ugly Sisters,

(The one whose face was blotched with blisters)

Sneaked up and grabbed the dainty shoe,

And quickly flushed it down the loo.

Then in its place she calmly put

The slipper from her own left foot.

Ah ha, you see, the plot grows thicker,

And Cindy's luck starts looking sicker.


Next day, the Prince went charging down

To knock on all the doors in town.

In every house, the tension grew.

Who was the owner of the shoe?

The shoe was long and very wide.

(A normal foot got lost inside.)

Also it smelled a wee bit icky.

(The owner's feet were hot and sticky.)

Thousands of eager people came

To try it on, but all in vain.

Now came the Ugly Sisters' go.

One tried it on. The Prince screamed, 'No!'

But she screamed, 'Yes! It fits! Whoopee!

'So now you've got to marry me!'

The Prince went white from ear to ear.

He muttered, 'Let me out of here.'

'Oh no you don't! You made a vow!

'There's no way you can back out now!'

'Off with her head!' The Prince roared back.

They chopped it off with one big whack.

This pleased the Prince. He smiled and said,

'She's prettier without her head.'

Then up came Sister Number Two,

Who yelled, 'Now I will try the shoe!'

'Try this instead!' the Prince yelled back.

He swung his trusty sword and smack

Her head went crashing to the ground.pig


It bounced a bit and rolled around.

In the kitchen, peeling spuds,

Cinderella heard the thuds

Of bouncing heads upon the floor,

And poked her own head round the door.

'What's all the racket? 'Cindy cried.

'Mind your own bizz,' the Prince replied.

Poor Cindy's heart was torn to shreds.

My Prince! she thought. He chops off heads!

How could I marry anyone

Who does that sort of thing for fun?


The Prince cried, 'Who's this dirty slut?

'Off with her nut! Off with her nut!'

She looks like she lives in a shed!

Off with her head, Off with her head!



Just then, all in a blaze of light,

The Magic Fairy hove in sight,

Her Magic Wand went swoosh and swish!

'Cindy! 'she cried, 'come make a wish!

'Wish anything and have no doubt

'That I will make it come about!'

Cindy answered, 'Oh kind Fairy,

'This time I shall be more wary.

'No more Princes, no more money.

'I have had my taste of honey.

I'm wishing for a decent man.

'They're hard to find. D'you think you can?'

Within a minute, Cinderella

Was married to a lovely feller,

A simple jam maker by trade,

Who sold good home-made marmalade.

Their house was filled with smiles and laughter

And they were happy ever after.

1

Television

texte

Television

By Roald Dahl


The most important thing we've learned,

So far as children are concerned,

Is never, NEVER, NEVER let

Them near your television set --

Or better still, just don't install

The idiotic thing at all.

In almost every house we've been,

We've watched them gaping at the screen.

They loll and slop and lounge about,

And stare until their eyes pop out.

(Last week in someone's place we saw

A dozen eyeballs on the floor.)

They sit and stare and stare and sit

Until they're hypnotised by it,

Until they're absolutely drunk

With all that shocking ghastly junk.

Oh yes, we know it keeps them still,

They don't climb out the window sill,

They never fight or kick or punch,

They leave you free to cook the lunch

And wash the dishes in the sink --

But did you ever stop to think,

To wonder just exactly what

This does to your beloved tot?

IT ROTS THE SENSE IN THE HEAD!

IT KILLS IMAGINATION DEAD!

IT CLOGS AND CLUTTERS UP THE MIND!

IT MAKES A CHILD SO DULL AND BLIND

HE CAN NO LONGER UNDERSTAND

A FANTASY, A FAIRYLAND!

HIS BRAIN BECOMES AS SOFT AS CHEESE!

HIS POWERS OF THINKING RUST AND FREEZE!

HE CANNOT THINK -- HE ONLY SEES!

'All right!' you'll cry. 'All right!' you'll say,

'But if we take the set away,

What shall we do to entertain

Our darling children? Please explain!'

We'll answer this by asking you,

'What used the darling ones to do?

'How used they keep themselves contented

Before this monster was invented?'

Have you forgotten? Don't you know?

We'll say it very loud and slow:

THEY ... USED ... TO ... READ! They'd READ and READ,

AND READ and READ, and then proceed

To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks!

One half their lives was reading books!

The nursery shelves held books galore!

Books cluttered up the nursery floor!

And in the bedroom, by the bed,

More books were waiting to be read!

Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales

Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales

And treasure isles, and distant shores

Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars,

And pirates wearing purple pants,

And sailing ships and elephants,

And cannibals crouching 'round the pot,

Stirring away at something hot.

(It smells so good, what can it be?

Good gracious, it's Penelope.)

The younger ones had Beatrix Potter

With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,

And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland,

And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and-

Just How The Camel Got His Hump,

And How the Monkey Lost His Rump,

And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul,

There's Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole-

Oh, books, what books they used to know,

Those children living long ago!

So please, oh please, we beg, we pray,

Go throw your TV set away,

And in its place you can install

A lovely bookshelf on the wall.

Then fill the shelves with lots of books,

Ignoring all the dirty looks,

The screams and yells, the bites and kicks,

And children hitting you with sticks-

Fear not, because we promise you

That, in about a week or two

Of having nothing else to do,

They'll now begin to feel the need

Of having something to read.

And once they start -- oh boy, oh boy!

You watch the slowly growing joy

That fills their hearts. They'll grow so keen

They'll wonder what they'd ever seen

In that ridiculous machine,

That nauseating, foul, unclean,

Repulsive television screen!

And later, each and every kid

Will love you more for what you did.



Source: https://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/television-by-roald-dahl



Hansel and Gretel

Hansel and Gretel

By Roal Dahl

(read by Keo and Clio)

Mum said to Dad, “Those kids of ours!

The food that each of them devours!

That Hansel! Cripes, that little tick!

To watch him eat, it makes me sick!

And as for ghastly greedy Gretel –

I’m turning round to boil the kettle

And while I’m at it she’s been able

To guzzle all that’s on the table!”

The father merely shrugged and sighed.

Mum waved her frying-pan and cried,

“My motto is that we come first,

Them kids should always get the worst.

Now look, if we could rub them out,

There’d be more beans and sauerkraut

And stuff for you and me to eat.

Mind you, we’d have to be discreet.”

The father said, “Well, what’s to do?

We can’t just flush them down the loo.”

To which the mother answered, “No,

They’re much too big. They wouldn’t go.”

“What if”, the father said, “they fell,

Quite accidentally, down the well?”

“Oh no,” Mum said, “I doubt we oughta,

It might pollute the drinkin’ water.

I think it’s better, on the whole,

To take them for a little stroll

And lose them in among the trees.

Now surely that’s a better wheeze?”

“Let’s do it!” Dad cried out. “And then

We’ll never see the pigs again!”

“Walkies!” the parents cried. “It’s spring!

Let’s go and hear the birdies sing!

Let’s look for robins in the trees!

Let’s pick some wild anemones!”

Now Hansel suddenly espies

His mother’s shrewd and shifty eyes.

He whispers softly, “Listen, Sis,

I don’t much like the smell of this.

I think our loving Mum and Dad

Are plotting something rather bad.

I think I’d better mark our track

To help us on the journey back.”

So on the walk, when outward bound,

He scatters breadcrumbs on the ground.

They walk, all four, for hours and hours,

They see no robins, pick no flowers.

The wood is dark and cold and bare,

And Dad says, “Children, stay right here,

Your Mum and I have things to do.

We’ll see you later, toodle-oo.”

They sidled off with perfect ease

And disappeared among the trees.

“They’re going to dump us!” Gretel cried.

“They won’t succeed,” the boy replied.

“We’ll get back home, we cannot fail,

By following the breadcrumb trail.

Just take my hand and come with me,

We’ll find our way, you wait and see.”

But oh! Alas! Where crumbs had been

There now was nothing to be seen.

Young Gretel cried, “You silly twit,

The crows have eaten every bit.”

Poor little children all alone,

The foul and filthy parents flown.

Poor little children all forlorn

To face the dismal murky morn.

“We’ll starve to death!” young Hansel cried,

When all at once the youth espied

A funny little snow-white bird

Who spoke as follows, word for word:

“Come follow me, you troubled things,

I’ll take you on my silver wings

To safety, to a lovely place

Where you can live in peace and grace!”

This wondrous bird then led them forth

For miles and miles towards the north

Until at last there hove in sight

A lovely cottage painted white,

And there before the cottage door

These two enraptured children saw

A sweet old dame with rosy skin

Who smiled and said, “Oh, do come in.

You must be hungry, little lambs.”

She fed them treacle tarts and hams

And sugar-buns and gorgeous jam.

The children cried, “Oh, thank you, ma’am!”

The woman with the rosy cheeks

Now smiles again and softly speaks:

“My darling children, as you see,

You eat extremely well with me.”

She then serves up the second treat,

A very curious roast of meat,

All sizzling hot and crispy brown.

The happy children wolf it down.

The hostess says, “Do have some more.

I doubt you’ve tasted this before.”

Young Hansel asks her, “Is it lamb?

Or is it beef or is it ham?

Whate’er it is, I must admit

It’s awfully tender, isn’t it?”

The woman said, “This special meat

S’the only kind I like to eat.”

Then Gretel says, “I’ll make a bid –

This meat is either goat or kid.”

The woman says, “Well, no-o-o and yes-s-s,

I must say kid’s a clever guess.”

She smiled and chewed and chewed and smiled

And looked so innocent and mild.

As soon as they had left the table

The woman led them to a stable.

Stable? they wondered, turning pale.

The place looked like a sort of jail

With bars and bolts and horrid things

Like manacles and iron rings.

The woman said, “Go in and look,

It’s such a cosy little nook.”

So Hansel, wanting to explore,

Went boldly through the open door.

The woman quickly slammed it, BANG!

The bars and locks and bolts went CLANG!

“Hey, let me out!” young Hansel cried.

“You stay in there!” the dame replied.

“I’m going to feed you up a treat

Until you’re fat enough to eat.”

(The Brothers Grimm who wrote this story

Made it a thousand times more gory.

I’ve taken out the foulest scene

In order that you won’t turn green.

It is beyond me how it came

To merit such enormous fame.

Did parents really, in those days,

Agree to read such gruesome plays

To little children in the night?

And did they never die of fright?

It might have been okay, who knows,

If there’d been humour in the prose.

Did I say humour? Wilhelm Grimm?

There’s not a scrap of it in him.)

I’ll cut the grizzly ending short,

But even so I think I ought

To tell you gently what came next.

I’ll make it brief so don’t be vexed.

Just when the stove is nice and hot

And water’s boiling in the pot

(The pot’s for boiling Hansel in,

The stove for crisping up his skin),

Young Gretel in her pinafore

Flings open wide the oven door.

“The fire is going out!” she cried.

The woman pokes her head inside

And Gretel with a springy jump

Takes aim and kicks her on the rump.

She totters forward, in she goes

Head first, and last of all her toes.

Now Gretel with a gleeful roar

Slams shut the open oven door.

The temperature inside, she sees,

Is just on four-five-o degrees,

And soon this red-hot oven heat

Gives out the smell of roasting meat.

The child runs fast as she is able

To open up the prison-stable.

“Hansel!” she shouts. “We’re free at last!

The foul old dame is roasting fast!”

Young Hansel cried, “Oh, well done you!

Oh, what a splendid thing to do!

But then again, you must admit

You always liked to cook a bit.”

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PROCESO 1


Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis dolore te feugait nulla facilisi.

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PROCESO 2


Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis dolore te feugait nulla facilisi.

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PROCESO 3


Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis dolore te feugait nulla facilisi.

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PROCESO 4


Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tation ullamcorper suscipit lobortis nisl ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis autem vel eum iriure dolor in hendrerit in vulputate velit esse molestie consequat, vel illum dolore eu feugiat nulla facilisis at vero eros et accumsan et iusto odio dignissim qui blandit praesent luptatum zzril delenit augue duis dolore te feugait nulla facilisi.

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